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Let me make it perfectly clear for the internet police that these funny and rather sexist taglines for condom ads are not real. I’ll repeat for the retards – the list is a joke, a bit of fun, a laugh. If you don’t like it hit your back button and piss off.

For everyone else, let’s carry on to the list. Feel free to add any funnies you come up with in the comments section below.

1. When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse

2. Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil

3. Encase that torch before you paint her porch

4. Cover your vein then drive her insane

5. Cover your mound, and prepare to pound

6. Hood that match then scratch that thatch

7. Cover your stump before you hump

8. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker

9. If you slip between her thighs, condomize

10. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick

11. If you go into heat, package your meat

12. If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket

13. Protect your pole before you battle with the hole

14. Cage that snake then shake and bake

15. Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound